I’m sure I wasn’t the first to come up with the concept but I’m pretty sure I was the first to put a name to it.
Poop Karma© is the number, positive or negative, which is the differential between how much waste your dog leaves and how much more than that you pick up. Kind of like being carbon neutral by planting enough trees to offset the pollution your lifestyle or business dumps into the atmosphere. Neutral though, while being better than not picking up your dog’s poop can be improved upon by having a high Poop Karma© score. I’m looking at you – people talking on their phone not paying attention to their dog leaving loads behind them. I’m pointing at you – group of people chatting as they walk with their dogs running to and fro leaving little presents for someone else to clean up. I’m especially talking to you – people who arrive somewhere, let their dog out of the car or off the leash and then watch as the dog does its duty, calls the dog back and walks or drives away without even thinking of picking it up. There is a special place in hell for scumbags like you.
The good part of all this is that it’s actually pretty painless to improve your Poop Karma© score. Each load above and beyond your own dogs that you pick up is 1 point. Simple math. Pick up just your dogs waste = neutral. Zero points but at least no negative scores. But who wants to be just neutral or stay a zero? Pick up the minimum you should Plus one or more extras and your score can increase amazingly fast. I’ve been doing this for decades and have stopped carefully counting but I’m pretty sure my Poop Karma© score is in the 10’s of Thousands. Again though, the score does not matter as much as just being in the positive column. You don’t have to keep perfect track just remember on a daily or weekly basis if you ended up in the positive. Do that regularly and you will be assured of having a Positive Poop Karma© score.
You too can join the elite group of those with a positive Poop Karma© score. The easiest way is to carry more poop bags than you actually need and to use those extras to pick up a load or five that you and your dog are not directly responsible for. For an even more efficient process, when you use a bag to pick up one load, don’t immediately tie it off and throw it away – keep it open and, if you find some on your way to the garbage can, add one or more additional loads to it before tossing it in (space permitting).
To start you on your way to redemption I am offering a blanket pardon and amnesty, starting today, for all of you who might be in the negative to improve your score. A way to feel better about yourself and not be considered the equal of one of those pieces of shit your dog leaves behind without you picking it up and placing in the proper waste receptacle. What a deal!
Sadly (and truly disgustingly), Poop Karma© is also relevant to human waste left behind in back country sites. Far too often I find a load left behind too close to the campsite that obviously is from a human. How can I tell; well, toilet paper is one dead giveaway. If you do this I consider you lower than even those douche nozzles that watch their dog take a dump and then don’t pick it up. For those of us with high Poop Karma© and principles you should know you get 10 points for every human load you dispose of properly. If you do not want to deal with this, I get it and your Poop Karma© score will not suffer as a result. My OCD demands I use nitrile gloves for this and you should take similar precautions as humans are filthy, disease-ridden animals. The truth hurts. Deal with it.
Think about your Poop Karma© habits.
Improve your Poop Karma© score.
Spread the Poop Karma© gospel.